Friday, February 20, 2015

2.20.2015 - Friday

Why am I so mean to myself? I'm doing a good job at work but this evil little voice in the back of my mind keeps suggesting otherwise. Thoughts about not working on the high profile project in the office, thoughts about being pushed off of the team that I've worked so hard to be a part of. I actually talked to my boss about that last one because I've been so frustrated and he was awesome and reassured me that they are not pushing me out but trying to build up the team and I will still get experience and still be the project manager. And they are hoping to get me to manage another project we anticipate starting soon because it's very similar to the last project I was on. I think the hardest part is that I don't have the experience running projects and even though I think I'm very capable, the client wants to see someone with lots of experience "running" things, even if I'm the man behind the curtain. Internally they know I'm doing the work and for now that's just going to have to be enough. I need to get my licensed so I really can run things. The title change from "intern" to "project manager" is a big one, at least from outside of the field I'll be seen as a valuable team member and not just some CAD monkey. I feel like I'm capable and I understand things and I'm organized. I need to prove it, in reality this is only my second project. Frustrating that in the 3 years I've been here this is only my second project that I'm actually involved in. They tried to get me involved in some other smaller projects but the good intentions didn't help when I wasn't actually included in emails and meetings. When I started here that's what I wanted, was to be involved in construction administration. The thing I was most excited about and had the least experience in and then just by happenstance the projects I was on ended up taking forever. On the plus side in that time I learned a lot about how to lay out an assisted living facility.

I feel like I have my head wrapped around that I need to study every day and I think I can keep this going, but I need to make sure to have time to take care of myself too. I can't let dishes pile up because then I don't want to cook. I want to eat healthy but I also want to not spend all my study time cooking. I also need to include time to relax at the end of the work day. Especially all day long meetings with our demanding client.

I think my motto needs to be: "It doesn't matter if you feel like doing it, just do it." for gym and studying and eating right/making food. Turn off the TV, turn up the music and do things. Get off the computer unless it's for studying or creating something!

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