03.22.2015 Sunday

Got the shed painted this weekend. The boyfriend and I started talking about what the future will bring career-wise. More specifically where his career might take him. It's unlikely it will be where I currently am. This was making me stress out about the projects I want to do for the house. My good friend KW helped by telling me to live in the now. I'm not currently moving. I'm living here. Live in the now! I have a lot of trouble with this, but it's also clearly causing me a lot of un-needed stress. Who knows where the next 2-3 years will take us. Meanwhile, this is where I live. This is the house I own. I want to make it mine, tidy it up, make it mine.

That's what I need to remind myself. I am not currently faced with the proposition of moving. Currently, I live here, I work here. This is my house and my home. I'm going to do what I'm going to do.

Raised beds. Chickens. Fence. Landscaping. Fruit trees and or berry bushes. I do what I want.

I just saw this quote on Project Happiness, I think it applies.

"Don't let someone dim your light, simply because it's shining in their eyes."

I realize M may have his concerns about if I will leave to move to be with him but right now there isn't something for me to leave to, just an idea of what the future might hold. For now I will focus on me and that means, health, tests and also house and doing the improvements and projects that I want to do. It also gives me a chance to figure out what I want/like/am willing to do on my own without him around to help/hinder.

03.20.2015 Friday

TGIF. I'm ready for the weekend!

I heard a rumor that the office has restructured to be able to start taking on Associates. I don't think I'm quite there yet, but that makes me wonder what else I could do to get up to that role. I think CL will get it, she's brought in business. So perhaps what I need to do is network more. I loathe networking, it's so awkward. But I need to do it. I need to get comfortable with networking... and meet people who know people who are looking for architects!

03.18.2015 - Wednesday

I just got home from a talk by Jerry Greenfield, one of the co-founders of Ben & Jerry's, and it has me all excited and pumped to start a chocolate company again! I want to take a different approach this time though and build it slowly. What I'm thinking is that I get my home kitchen all cleaned up, and always vacuum up the dog hair before hand, and then just make things at home for friends and family. It'll be the cost of ingredients and packaging (including shipping and handling) and maybe a flat fee for my time. This will give me a chance to perfect my recipes, figure out packaging and flavors. When people have birthday parties, they can have a pile of S'mOregon bars instead of a cake, or when friends and friends of friends get married, I can make caramels or Shorty bars to give as favors. I need to grow the business slowly and save up money to build my own commercial kitchen when the time is right. I think the trouble with Draft Chocolates was that I rushed into the process without knowing all the steps and without enough money to rent the kitchen space. What I really need to do is have my own kitchen, preferably in my back yard, and built it at a time when I can hire help. So for now, chocolates and confections will continue to be a hobby (way to the side as I work on getting licensed). But it will be a way for me to build a business, preferably one that I can keep to the side of architecting. I also think I need to change the name, I got some uncoliscited advice that the name "wasn't good" which I didn't really care about because I was just doing it for me, but if I want to build a business, eventually, that can actually grow and support itself, I need a name that lets people know what I do.

Also Jerry's talk of giving back to the community, mostly by choosing to buy from local farmers, Fair Trade businesses and local businesses that supported people and really building a business based on their own closely held values, got me thinking. The chocolate I was using is Fair Trade, so that's doable. You kind of need to have scale to really get the numbers to work financially. 

Anyway, starting a chocolate/confections business (2.0) is on my long term goals. I need to approach it in a more financially responsible way this time. Grow more slowly, I have proof of concept and the couple farmer's markets that I did, and the success of my Kickstarter. I'd be able to message those people when I start up again. Anyway, now it's 9:40pm, I need to study some more before I get to bed!

Also, I have a meeting tomorrow with the loud chip eating client. My brilliant solution: I put all the chips in the base cabinet so they won't be out when she is here!

I told Jerry that I had started a chocolate company using a Kickstarter but I had to shut it down because it was too expensive. He asked what was too expensive? I said "renting the kitchen". He asked "but did people like your chocolates? That's what's important!". To which I responded "they did! And I'm inspired to try again with a new approach from your talk!"

03.17.2015 - Happy St. Patrick's Day

Zumba, now having a quick tzatziki and whole wheat flat bread while I wait for the oven to warm up so I can cook some salmon. I feel like a chef! I actually wanted masking tape and a sharpie so I could put a date on my tzatziki! Which, is totally a good idea. I'm working on getting the kitchen cleaned up before my mom comes this weekend. When I came home at lunch I made cookie dough! Mmm. I'm going to roll the dough and freeze it (which also means I need to make some space in the freezer!). I'm trying to get my kitchen similar to when I lived in Italy. So right now I'm focused on: calories, using up food in the freezer, using up stuff in the pantry. I have a huge 2 pound bag of yeast from Costco that is still active, but it pretty old.

Baked Salmon - simple and delicious

I just signed up for my next exam. Site Planning & Design, for April 12th, 8am. Ugh 8am, but that was the only time slot available and I wanted to take it before I head to NYC! I guess I should have signed up earlier.

Now, I'm off to study before getting to bed at a decent hour! I'll roll my cookies tomorrow.

03.15.2015 Sunday Productive Sunday

I love running errands on the weekend! Today was so productive I feel great. Here's what I did today:

1. Made a list of all the items I was donating (for tax purposes)
2. Walked Howland
3. Took Howland to Petco for grooming
4. Dropped off approx. 4 garbage bags worth of donations at Goodwill
5. Stopped at Dutch Brothers for a morning beverage
6. Dropped off dry cleaning
7. Recycled huge bag of plastic shopping bags at Roth's
8. Returned modem at Comcast
9. Ordered new cell phone 
10. Grocery shopping
11. Picked up Howland from grooming appt. 

Then I came home and hung out for a bit before going to a wedding registry event with my friend KW. We stopped at Cafe Yumm (which looked closed but luckily was still open for a few more minutes!). They were so nice too! Because they were about to close (and there was no one else there) they gave us large Yumm bowls when we only ordered smalls! Which means I have lunch for tomorrow!

I'm planning to make some Jacques Torres cookies, but I also really want to stop eating sugar. But I want to bake! Agh! So I'm thinking, I will make the dough, and freeze the cookie dough (this is all assuming my eggs are still good). My fridge is pretty well cleaned out but I want to work on emptying my pantry. The times I ate the healthiest was when I went to the grocery store regularly and didn't have a stocked pantry. I ordered these meal planning sheets from knock knock I'm pretty excited about them! Apparently my bento boxes were delivered yesterday to the office, so hopefully they are on my desk when I arrive tomorrow. And the meal planning pad should arrive tomorrow as well. I want to get going on changing my diet! I think sugar free week will be my plan. And I'll make the cookie dough tomorrow because I want to make it, and then I'll make the balls and just freeze them. I need to be eating healthy food, which for now means upping the veggie intake, and cutting the sugar intake. Keeping track of what I'm eating too. I need to be in my calorie range. I'm not going to lose weight without tracking what I'm eating. I need to know what I'm putting into my body!

And today my boyfriend started a new job which sounds like it's going to be a much better/happier fit for him. He also told me he is going to come to NYC next month which means I'll finally get to see him after what will be 2 months of changed moods. It will be really nice to actually spend time together in person. I haven't seen him since Christmas. Things haven been so much better since mid-January when we started opening up more. We were on the verge of breaking up and we managed to swing a 180. That's all been talk though, without actually spending some time together, it's hard to know if this is really going to work. We both want it to and I think that's the biggest hurdle we've overcome. Now it's jut a matter of timing and making the distance suck less. And asking for what we both want. 

03.14.15 Saturday Part 2

Got the fridge mostly cleaned out, I don't have a lot of fresh food! I do still have a lot of stuff in the pantry and freezer though! It's all rainy and bleh outside, which makes me want to bake! I have this awesome glass cake pedestal with dome that I got for my birthday from my BFF several years ago, I want to figure out something I could make and keep in it, so it's all pretty. Food presentation! That'll be my creative outlet while I study. Cause then I kill 2 birds with one stone! Artsy creativity and healthy food, so I don't feel bad spending time on that when I need to be studying.

03.14.2015 Saturday - Getting rid of clothes that don't fit anymore

Wow, so many pairs of black pants, that don't even fit me anymore. I've held onto them because I was thinking I didn't want to have to buy new clothes when I lost weight. Well, that method hasn't been working! I think if I get rid of the skinny clothes, they won't haunt me anymore (with the exception of the pieces I *love*. Clothes are replaceable in that I could always go buy more clothes, but specific items, like the dress I bought in Spain and then carried with me around Europe for another month and a half? I'm holding on to that dress and I WILL fit into it again!

When I get my weight back down, my reward will be that I get to go shopping! I need to look at it as a positive! I love going shopping, and not fitting into my clothes anymore (because I'm too small) will be such a great reward. Trying on clothes when I've lost the weight will feel great. It's a good thing to get rid of clothes! I'm dropping the weight of expectations, living with clothes that fit me, and then I can reward myself by buying new clothes in updated fashions and cuts. And when I love weight my body might be different from what it was before.

I'm also going to make a list of all the things I'm donating because I'm a home owner now and I will be itemizing my tax deductions!

I'm not done with the clothes yet, I'm doing some laundry, still need to go through shoes, bags, towels and bedding. I'm going to move on to the kitchen next because I want to get ready for bento boxes! I want to cook food, I want my kitchen to be a happy place again, not a place of stress which is what it has been since the holidays. I will not be able to lose weight if I cannot enjoy making food in my kitchen.

It's feeling good to go through stuff, it's kind of gross out (Spring rain) which makes staying inside not too bad, but the process of getting all the clutter out of the house is less enticing with the rain.

I wanted to get Howland out of the house today, but waited too long to get him an appointment so he's going to get a bath tomorrow morning, while I go out and run errands (mostly returning and donating things). We walked to Dutch Brothers this morning, feeling on track with my fitbit steps. I would like to have a wireless base at home too, not just work, cause I like having all the data!